Alright people I just don’t care of what people think about me but i just want to let out these dark horses in my mind that keep’s on bothering me over and over again, it is very heavy whenever I go whatever i have to do, it’s always right here on top of my head buzzing it all the time, As for all of you know I’m a first time mom of adorable 19 month old munchkin girl and she is my everything my world name it,but there is always one thing that make me like a bad mother feeling of guilt for leaving her for work all the time, guilt of a mother unable to spend more time with her daughter and do the things I wanted to do with her, As for my experience it did not slap me hard in my face how hard it is to leave my daughter, fear Struck me so hard when I was about to finish my maternity leave and need to go back to work,for the last 2 months of my mat. leave I receive a call from Subsidy
stating that they got a spot for my daughter in the daycare and i was like Yeyyyy!! I got excited things like that I don’t have to worry where to leave my daughter and i can go to work with no hustle bustle in my Butt, we do all the paper works and give everything they need for the process, we got the interview for the next two weeks and I called the facility that I wanted to and set up the tour, you know to see how it works what will they be doing the whole day for activities stuff like that,,Moving forward on the day of viewing the facility it did not sink in my whole brain the scenario of daycare until my husband and I went home, and as soon as I set my one foot inside the house that’s where it struck me and punch me right in my stomach when the picture of little children inside the the daycare still linger in my mind and without doubt I know my decision that I’m not ready to put her on a daycare,,, not yet ,,, guilt eats me up, fear struck me hard and all the what if, what if, what if, for the whole night i’m fighting against myself i did not sleep at all i keep on thinking is it the right decision to make? Or Am i gonna regret my decision? is it right to keep her at home or put her in daycare without me having peace of mind? (mind you i waited 1 long year to get approval but still the monthly payment is about 1 thousand a month) aggghhh!!! Here comes the week before making the decision, So based on our monthly household income 1 k is too big of a chunk in our paycheck it’s like having a mortgage while you are renting,,,And for sure every mother in these sucking world understand what i really mean, hard decision and hard Job to be a mother for sure every mom can
relate to it, so final decision made and I assure you I never regret those Decision I made because I may leave to work daily but I have peace of mind when I’m at work knowing my Daughter is in a right place at a right person looking after her,I’m not anti Daycare women nor hating my motherhood life i love every single moment of it,but my point is we women as a mother we tend to forget that we exist we are too busy with our work and taking care of our house until we came into the point that we completely lost our self with too much going on around us, and that’s when we learn that we are drain physically,emotionally,and mentally,we forget that we need to look after our self in order for us to take good care of other’s and i can’t blame everyone of doing that because that’s how we are design by our creator, When I look at how God Design the women its amazing and blown my mind away we are so vulnerable yet powerful that we could change and make a huge impact in our family’s life,that we could mold our children’s personality that we could bear the pain, we could handle multiple task,we could cry and lough at even in a most difficult situation, from taking care of children to cooking and clean the house at the same time, we could give pure love,we care with all our heart and do everything,yet we forget to love our self we forget to care for our self we forget to look after our self and the truth is sometimes we only need to be appreciated by our partner and to be respected,and that’s what makes us whole as a women and a mother.